Character Builders

There are some of life's lessons that seem more significant than others. I would rank the character of a man or woman and the experiences that shape them at the top of the list of things that are of most import. The shaping happens in many different and unique ways. I want to talk about a couple of 'character builders.'

The first one is that characteristic of honesty. Each one of us has experienced the lesson of telling the truth. I still remember one of the first untruths I told.   My third grade teacher was Darlene Dudley. She was a young college graduate and I thought that she was very nice. I recall that she asked me a simple question about something and for some reason I didn't tell her the truth. She was no dummy, however. She was methodical about calling my bluff. As all of the other kids left the classroom for afternoon recess, Miss Dudley asked if she could speak with me. My heart began to race wildly because I knew what she wanted to talk about and I wondered why I hadn't just told the truth in the beginning. "Derek, what you said to me doesn't make any sense, are you sure you are telling me the truth?" I thought that my heart was going to come out of my chest. I thought to myself. "Now is the time to tell the truth and take the punishment that is coming because of my dishonesty." I did tell her the truth, the second time. I could see the disappointed look on her face but she gave me a reassuring smile that she was proud of my decision to tell the truth. The character trait we should all desire to have is honesty--the first time.

The second characteristic we should want to have is the ability to accept people for who and how they are. This one is more difficult to master. I have come to realize that when I feel that someone is really weird, the mutual feeling probably exists in the mind of somebody else, about me. I'm trying really hard to not look at the shortcomings of others. I will admit that the natural man in me is hard to overcome. I believe that as I continue to try to master the principle of 'take someone as they are', I will become better for it. I will also learn many wonderful lessons from the different people around me. I have the desire to let people be who they are. That's a good start.

These two things, alone, will allow me to come closer to the man I want to be.  I am striving to watch closely those who do this very well.  I hope that, one day, I will better master these Christ-like character traits.

It's Time To Move On

You would think that at the age of forty, some lessons would be mastered or close to it. Well, today, was a reality check for me. For some time, I have harbored ill feelings toward an individual but today that reality came to a crossroad. I felt impressed to express my feelings to this person and formally apologize for my wrong feelings and ask for forgiveness. Because I wanted to make sure that I expressed myself correctly, I wrote a short note to this individual. The note I received in return was exactly what I needed to hear.
In the mission field, I tried to do something, every day, that would pull me out of my 'comfort zone.' That takes work. My experience today also required me to step outside of that zone and do something that I ultimately knew to be right.
When I was a kid, I felt like my parents knew so much about life and the consequences that came from making certain decisions. I didn't ever think that the reason they knew so much was that, one, they either made a mistake that taught them a particular lesson or, two, they knew someone who made a mistake that taught them a specific lesson of life. There was a time when I thought that my parents were flirting with perfection.
I pass on my personal learning experience of today, in hopes that someone else will make the choice to take something or someone that bothers them, today, and correct that situation so that not one more minute is wasted feeling sorry or bad.
This life continues to speed onward. The days and weeks race by. It is up to you as an individual to prioritize your life and weed out and fix that which is not good.
I want to be a good person--and I know you do, too. I want to get along with people.(That is sometimes very hard to do.) Each person does things according to their own individual abilities and talents. We don't all have to agree on everything. Now is the time and today is that day to fix the things that seem so tiny but that consume energy that we are unaware of.
I feel better knowing that progress is on my side. My heart feels better about this person. I have exercised some humility and that feels really good. Make the choice to fix those things that are currently amiss. You'll be very glad you did.

It's Nice To See You

I saw a friend at church that I see on rare occasions.  It was nice to see and visit with her.  I am especially grateful for people that remain my friends, even though we rarely see each other.  Friendship is a power word.  "Aristotle said once that friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." (Jeffrey R. Holland~1998)

The Book of Mormon teaches of a very special friendship that became stronger when it was focused on gospel principles. Early in their lives Alma and the sons of Mosiah rebelled against the teachings of their faithful parents and went about destroying the church of God. They were very cunning and very successful, later confessing that they were the “vilest of sinners” in their efforts to destroy the faith of other members of the church (Mosiah 28:4).

But in response to the prayers of their parents, other members of the church, and the power of God and his angels, these young men were dramatically converted to the truth and immediately set out to “repair all the injuries which they had done to the church” (Mosiah 27:35).

The sons of Mosiah declined the kingship which their father held and chose rather to be missionaries to the Lamanite people. Alma followed in their footsteps, choosing to serve a mission among the Nephite people. What had been an unworthy and destructive association now turned into a powerful and binding friendship, solidified by acts of personal righteousness and devotion.

After 14 years of long, hard, demanding missionary service—service that had included sorrow and opposition as well as miracles of every kind—Alma and the sons of Mosiah were reunited briefly before continuing their work for the Lord. The description of that reunion reveals how strong their friendship and love had become, even in their prolonged absence from one another.

“Alma did rejoice exceedingly to see his brethren; and what added more to his joy, they were still his brethren in the Lord; yea, and they had waxed strong in the knowledge of the truth; for they were men of a sound understanding and they had searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God.

“But this is not all; they had given themselves to much prayer, and fasting; therefore they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation, and when they taught, they taught with power and authority of God” (Alma 17:2–3).

I had a friend, in high school, who couldn't have been more different than me.  Aside from our differences was a real brotherhood, filled with trust  and love for one another.  That friendship was never the same once I left on a full-time mission for the LDS church.  I have often thought of the conversations we once had.  When we did things together, we felt safe.  Home life in our respective homes was very different from one another.  If I saw him today, I would be very grateful.  After graduation from high school, my friend and I took a week long trip to southern California.  It was a trip filled with memories that I still think about.  We learned some valuable things during that friendship that have made me the man I am today.

Don't ever underestimate the power of being a friend.  The words that you speak have a power in and of themselves.  Your example, of goodness, will penetrate your friends hearts and have an everlasting effect on their lives.

I have many people who are my friends.  I love each one of them.  I am eternally grateful for the friendship I have with my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I feel of His love for me.  His life brings me a great deal of comfort.  His perfect example gives me the pattern by which to live my life.

I Love Home

Have I ever mentioned that I love home?  I have always enjoyed being at home.  I love the spirit that we feel in our home.  It's the contentment that I love the very most.  Every member of our family, is trying to do their very best in life.  I feel extreme gratitude for the gifts and talents that each member of our family brings.  It is a wonderful life. 
Becky and I went out with her parents and enjoyed dinner together, then went to the tabernacle, at Temple Square, to listen to the Orchestra at Temple Square with soloist Josh Wright on the piano.  It was really wonderful to listen to the extreme talent of all who participated.  I was glad to spend time with mom and dad.
Our children were at home and it felt nice to know that they were okay.  It is so nice to have them be the ages that they are and know that while we were away, they were fine.
Once Becky and I got home, I felt grateful for the bounteous blessings we so enjoy!
Today, we have gotten some things done around the house to be able to start off our week nicely.
When Becky and I first got married, I dreamed of having a family that would bring me great joy.  Although I had no idea how many children we would have, I desired to have a family, nonetheless.  I have loved Becky so much for her willingness to be the one responsible to carry those babies and bring them safely to this world.  She always did everything she could to guarantee that they were healthy.  I have watched her be a mother who cares deeply for her children.  She amazes me every day.
I feel grateful, every day, for all that she does to make each of our lives better.  She is an amazing homemaker!
I thank heaven for a place that we can call home.  We are blessed immensely. 
I hope that each one of us can see, feel, and understand the love behind the blessings we are so freely given.

Dating Lasts Forever

Becky and I went and participated in a youth activity at the church. The sixteen and seventeen year old boys and girls (Priests and Laurels) had an activity on dating. Becky and I were asked if we could be part of the 'panel' that the youth could ask questions to about anything dealing with dating. It was a lot of fun to be a part of that and to have our oldest, Natalie, be there as part of the youth group. Good questions were asked and the two other married couples including Becky and I enjoyed the evening. The reaction from the kids seemed like they were genuinely pleased with how the evening went. I hope that they will take away something from that night and never forget it. If they will implement even one thing that they heard, I believe they will be better off.
I have thought about the constant dating scene that Becky and I have maintained in our marriage. That aspect keeps things very exciting and it gives us an opportunity to be together, with no other outside interruptions. We love our children so much but we need our date time, just with each other.
If you're not currently taking the time to date, do so now. The kids will always have lots of needs. There will always be housework to do and projects to complete but the strength of a couple's relationship is dependant upon the effective use of time, together, just the two of you.
I love Becky with all of my heart. I am grateful that she loves me. That knowledge, alone, makes every day worth it. It is easy to find the motivation to live life to its fullest and to do the things that make her proud of me. It is a joy to be with her and to feel of her love and complete devotion to me. Thanks for a great life! You are my best friend.

Show The Trust

I remember an experience at Camp Royaneh, outside of the Bay area, in California.  There was a physical obstacle course that challenged us boy scouts.  It was a favorite of ours because there were places that tested our fear of heights.  One particular part of the course had to do with trust.  One by one each scout climbed up on a high tree stump and with several boys with open arms the scout was expected to turn around with your back facing the scouts and then lean back and fall into the arms of the awaiting scouts.  The idea was to display trust in your fellow scouts and believe that they would catch you without letting you hit the ground.  That was a huge deal!
I have never had reason to lack trust in Becky throughout our marriage.  I have had friends, however, who betrayed the trust that I once had in them.  That just happens with most everybody.  I desire to be one who can be trusted implicitly. 
Several months ago, I was told something, by a friend, and asked to please not share it with anybody.  I told him that I would not speak another word about what we had talked about.  He hesitated slightly and seemed to rest assured when I promised that nobody would ever know a single thing about our conversation from me.
That is one of the greatest things I love about Becky.  I know that if I share something with her that I don't want anyone else to know about, that my heart is safe and she won't share anything about what we talk about.
The saying that it is better to be trusted than it is to be loved is very appropriate. 
Just as it was true at Camp Royaneh on the 'trust fall', so it is with each of us.  We display trust for those that we love and we do things that will, in turn, warrant somebody else's trust in us.
It's one more principle in my life that I am trying to get better at.  Little by little I will get better at it and my life will be better for it.  I hope the same will be true for you.

I'll Be Brave

I read an obituary of a young boy who passed away from the effects of Leukemia. I was deeply touched by one particular phrase that, I'm sure, was written by his mother. There were a few words that the young boy uttered while he was still alive and those stuck out to me the most. "I'll be brave." I am touched that through the five rounds of chemo that this young boy endured he would look into the eyes of his parents and tell them that he would be brave.
I have a renewed commitment to face life 'head on' and brave through all that is given to me to endure in this great life.

A story, of our time, reminds me of the bravery displayed for fellow human beings.

"During fighting in Somalia in October of 1993, two United States Army Rangers in a helicopter during the firefight learned that two other helicopters near them had fallen to the earth. The two rangers, in their relative safety aloft, learned by radio that no ground forces were available to rescue one of the downed aircrews. Growing numbers of the enemy were closing in on the crash site.

The two men watching from above volunteered to go down to the ground (the words they used on the radio were to “be inserted”) to protect their critically wounded comrades. Their request was denied because the situation was so dangerous. They asked a second time. Permission was again denied. Only after their third request were they put down on the ground.  Armed only with their personal weapons, they fought their way to the crashed helicopter and the injured fliers. They moved through intense small arms fire as enemies converged on the crash site. They pulled the wounded from the wreckage. They put themselves in a perimeter around the wounded, placing themselves in the most dangerous positions. They protected their comrades until their ammunition was depleted and they were fatally wounded. Their bravery and their sacrifice saved the life of a pilot who would have been lost.  They were each awarded posthumously the Medal of Honor, their nation’s highest recognition for bravery in the face of an armed enemy. The citation reads that what they did was “above and beyond the call of duty.”

I was taught truth from the time I was very young. My parents saw that it was important, and vital, that I be taught the difference between right and wrong. They allowed me to stumble and fall, in order that I might learn eternal principles that would eventually and absolutely bless my life. When I fell, they were there by my side, to help pick me up and direct me in the direction that would bring me the greatest amount of happiness.
I understand that life has its challenges. Those will make us better. My desire is to be all that I am destined to be. Bravery is one of those characteristics that I would love to master. It is God-like in the purest form.
That young boy taught me a valuable lesson that has deeply penetrated my heart, today.
When all is said and done, I want it to be said of me that I was brave!